Right before Christmas, I had an unfortunate situation happen. I got into a friendship-ending fight with someone I’ve known since 1999.
In hindsight, we had been trying to make the relationship more than it was for quite a while. We really should’ve let it be one of those that just sort of quietly drifted off as some friendships do. There’s really not a goodbye or an end. You just don’t keep in touch anymore. There’s no hard feelings. It is what is. If circumstance happens to cross your paths again, great. It’s a happy reunion. In some cases, it may even see the friendship flourishing anew. Otherwise, it just drifts off into the quiet again where both parties are left with fond memories of one another.
Instead, we’ve spent the last several years trying to keep it closer than it was, even though personal religious and political differences often had us at odds. I’d say we’ve had more contentious moments than anything. As I’m prone to do, I let some of her comments and actions fester, rather than addressing them for fear of confrontation.
I let my temper get the best of me when she left some comments on some Facebook posts I’d made, then sent me a personal message further expressing her dissatisfaction with not only my views, but those of others who had left comments in response to my posts in support of what I’d said.
I’m fairly jovial and easy going most of the time…except for when my temper flares. I let my friend have it in no uncertain terms. I was not gentle with my choice of words. I was out to draw blood.
Not that this an excuse (there’s never an excuse for bad behavior), but I did it because I felt I had been attacked. And this wasn’t the first time. But I was determined it was sure as hell going to be the last.
I think a part of me wanted the friendship over. I hate to admit it, but I was pretty sure when I sent my reply that would be the outcome. I was 100% positive the ties were cut when she sent back her final retort.
Then my heart was sad. Even though, yes, we’d had contentious exchanges, and more often than I’d ever had them with any other friend, I had a lot of happy memories with her too.
But after this…there was no going back.
I saw the below plaque in a Femail Creations catalog shortly after the break-up. I will forever wonder if I’d seen it before the fight, would I have kept it’s wisdom in mind and not aimed my stone at the TNT that I knew would destroy the friendship? (Because it’s not just casting a stone that can be fatal. It’s where you aim it.)
Yes I know what you mean or at least I think I can understand. I had my occasions lately where my words were said in too harsh tone or with a lot of sarcasm.
I am working on it. It is a tough lesson to learn.
Acquafortis recently posted..Review of The Reluctant Tarot Reader: Adventures in the Gypsy Trade
The same thing happened to me, after coming clean with my feelings a great friendship has ended, but at the same time, it was like dropping a heavy rock of my chest. I think it’s harded to live and wonder all the time than just make the courage and clarify the situation once in for all. I miss the friendship though.
Thank you for sharing!
Oh Cristina, thanks for stopping by. I’m sorry this happened to you too. It’s super hard. I understand the rock on the chest analogy. I really appreciate you sharing this.
Red, LOL! I don’t know if they would’ve mattered to me either. When I get mad, I get MAD. I snap fast when that happens. Hard to reign my senses back in. I also liked your word choice of “toxic.” I never really pondered if this relationship was toxic or not before. It has given me something to consider as I weigh whether to try to patch it up (because she wrote to me again, but I’m not sure she wanted a reconciliation) or just let it be.
For me, reading those words to live by wouldn’t have made any difference. I’d have still (more than likely) made the comments! Even if I regretted them later!! But on the positive side – you’ve made a clean break to a friendship that might have turned even more toxic. AND you’ve learned something. AND … now we’ve learned something too!!
Red Nomad OZ recently posted..My FavouRED OZ Things #3*!!
I think we’ve all been there! Mine was making the mistake of telling a close friend that I thought her boyfriend was treating her like crap. She gave me the cold shoulder for a year and after I asked her for the third time what was wrong, she finally exploded on me that she couldn’t believe I would ever say something bad about her boyfriend. That boyfriend is now her husband and she doesn’t speak to me – that’ll be the last time I ever speak up about someone else’s relationship!
Maybe Lady Liz recently posted..A Modern Day Hero Against Bad Parenting
Oh, Liz, I am laughing. Not at you, but the last time I really remember losing a friend was when I told her her boyfriend hit on me. He was scum, she wouldn’t listen, he cheated on her with someone else, but guess who’s shoulder wasn’t there for her to cry on because she’d banished me from her life? (I would’ve welcomed her back and felt bad what happened, but she was stubborn and refused.) Anyway, I learned that way never to say anything about a friend’s man, no matter if it was true or not. Thankfully I never really ever was in such a position again. (Either being hit on or, as in your case, having a friend who’s man was a dud.) Sorry you experienced that!
I find that sometimes when you have been friends with someone for a long time and then gone a while without seeing them, on meeting up again you do wonder why you were ever close to that person!
Negatives are best left behind you but I dont think you always need to activly sever the friendship sometimes its nicer, if possible, just to grow appart.
Loldri recently posted..Young Driver Insurance
I agree, Loldri. I think I’d prefer to have grown and drifted apart rather than having a blow up. That sucks. Thanks for the comment!
This is usually the case but I do find that if you do okay for youself the people who you drift from often turn to talking about you behind your back and resenting your success. People are just strange!
Kore recently posted..TV on your computer
That is so true, Kore. People are strange and unpredictable sometimes. Loved your comment. Thanks.
I can relate to this, I had a similar fallout with my former best friend that also was fueled by posts and comments on Facebook. We went for over a year without speaking, but recently she contacted me to try to restore the friendship.
J. recently posted..I Draw the Line at Roaches. Sorry.
Hey, J! Thanks for sharing this. Were you wanting to restore the friendship? Were you all able to work everything out?