When you were little did you dream of love? Did you wonder about our soul mate? How you’d recognize him (or her)? How you’d know it was true love and you’d finally found it?
When I was a little girl dreaming of my knight in shining armor, I did. I wondered what the feeling was people spoke of when I asked them about it.
“You just know. It’s how you feel,” they’d say.
That seemed so vague and random. How did it feel? Did it hurt? Tickle? Sting? Tingle? Where did you feel it? In your nose? Your shoulders? Your toes? And above all…when. When was I going to feel “it”? The magical moment when Cupid’s arrow hit my heart. Would I have to wait forever? What if it never happened?
Well, maybe because I did wonder about it so much, the Universe decided to put me out of my misery. They delivered Wayne to me when I was just fifteen.
I’d had other boyfriends already by then. I even thought I’d been in love a couple of times. Ha! Wayne made me realize what love felt like.
No one told me about the connection you’d feel. The comfort level. The instant familiarity. I’m thinking maybe it was because they’d never actually experienced love themselves. Not with their soul mate. Or maybe Life and it’s hardships had jaded them to where they didn’t believe in it anymore.
Now, after 26 years together, here’s how I’d answer how you know you’re in love with your soul mate:
- When their laugh makes you laugh. But beyond that, when even thinking of their laugh brings at least a smile to your lips, if not a chuckle.
- When their sorrows, tears, and sadness make you cry and mourn with them, as if you’re feeling the same pain their heart is. It also leaves you feeling desperate to make their hurting stop. You want to do whatever you can to make it go away and feel more hopeless than ever that you can’t.
- When you rejoice with them over their accomplishments and triumphs, and you glow with pride along with them.
- Above all, just the thought of them not in your life causes your heart incredible, unbearable hurt.
The other day I told Wayne this joke I’d heard (below). He howled with laughter. The deep, sincere, I totally tickled his funny bone hard kind of laughter. The kind of laugh I love to hear him let out. It never fails to make me laugh too. Thinking of him having a laughing fit as I drove down the road after I told him the joke makes me giggle –and probably will for a while.
When Wayne’s dad died, my heart about burst from the hurt I knew he was going through. I was of course mourning Mr. Pryor’s passing too, but Wayne and his dad were tight. He loved his dad. Respected and looked up to him like most parents only hope their children will but rarely get the satisfaction of knowing. I knew a major part of his world had collapsed that day. I wanted to soothe it and make it all better, but only Time could do that.
Then there are the happy memories. The time when his CPA test results came in the mail. He was having a bad day. It was one of Phoenix’s 100 degree days and his truck had just broke down. He was out in the sweltering heat waiting for the tow truck. If ever there was a day he didn’t need more bad news, this was it. I opened the letter and started dancing around when I saw he’d passed. You would’ve thought I just learned I was officially going to be a CPA! (Which sparks a memory that always makes me laugh. I called and told him, thinking this good news would help, and his first response was, “Don’t fuck with me.”)
Or the time he completed an Iron Man on zero sleep. He had been so nervous the night before he kept himself up. He was frazzled when he set out for the swim. I kissed him good luck and he said, “I’ll see how I feel after this. I might not try the bike.”
But he came out of the water determined to do what he’d came to do: finish that race. And by golly he did. I’ve never cried such tears of pride as the night I did when, fifteen hours later, he dragged himself across the finish line.
And I’ve never felt as deeply loved as the day when Wayne finally convinced me to go to the emergency room that tragic day in December 2008. When the doctor came back wide-eyed and distraught with the news I had a massive tumor in my lung and they were admitting me, the howl Wayne let out as he stood up and started pacing and crying I think almost brought everyone to tears. In that single moment, I knew just how much I meant to him. And anyone watching would’ve had no doubts either.
What about you? How would you answer you know you’re in love with your soul mate?