My friend Jade sent me an article called “The 7 Worst Reasons to Get Married.” The seven that were listed were:
- Your ex is engaged.
- You’ve been dating a while.
- You are, or she is, pregnant.
- Your friends are married.
- Your family wants you to.
- He or she’s loaded.
- You’re worried you won’t find anyone else.
I’d add to/amend a few of them as follows:
- You have a Life Plan and are trying to stick to it. (ie. Get a degree by a certain date, get established in your career by a certain date, be married by a certain date, start a family by a certain date, etc…)
- You think becoming Mrs. So and So magically gives you a new life and will solve all of your problems.
- You’ve mistaken great sex with love.
- A shotgun is involved in any way, shape or form. (Being cheeky with this last one. It would fall under the “because your family wants you to” category really.)
Why did you get married? I got married by sheer luck. Wayne was a reluctant groom. There were no shotguns involved in convincing him to propose, but there was an ultimatum.
Now some would say, “Marry me or else” is a horrible way to start a life together. Mostly I would agree.
But some people need a fire lit under them. Wayne was one of them. We’d been together seven years. I left him because I wanted to be married. To him. (He went through a phase where he thought I wanted to just be married, period.)
Wrong. I knew he was The One for me. It hurt my heart too much to stay when he couldn’t admit I was The One for him.
So I left. He knew the only way to get me back was to propose.
The reason he was so hesitant about it was because we’d both come from broken homes. We’d experienced the familial destruction of divorce. Neither of us ever wanted to live through it again.
So Wayne was much more leery about marriage than I was. I, however, had faith. I knew our souls were cosmically linked.
How did I know he was The One? I knew before I even met him. I dreamed of him and knew the man in my dream was my soul mate. I never saw his face in the dream, but I knew I would recognize him when I woke and saw him in real life.
Now, I had always been boy crazy my whole life. I was one of those girls who fell in and out of love with new boys every week.
The chemistry with Wayne was different. It rocked my socks to my soul and back again. No one had ever made my heart feel the way he did.
That’s why I think I’m lucky. He could’ve just as easily let me walk when I moved out on him. If he had, I don’t think I would’ve gotten married.
If I had married someone else, it might’ve been for one of the reasons listed above. But it would not have been for love. Oh, sure, I might’ve been able to lie to myself (and the other guy) for a while. But eventually I would’ve had to face the truth. I wasn’t destined to be with my one true love in this lifetime.
Thankfully, I lucked out. I not only got to go through this lifetime with my pea pod mate, I found him very early and have spent two and a half decades loving him already. I hope I get to add many more decades to that.
Why did you get married?
I married M for a million different reasons. But mostly, I loved him and knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life married to him.
As Harry Burns so eloquently said: “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
Oh, Jade, this quote is marvelous. It gave me shivers, chills, and tears in my eyes. I love it. And I’m so happy you found M. You two most definitely appear to be pea pod mates to my eyes.
I love my husband to death, but I was a little like Wayne in that I didn’t really care to get married, period. Since I was already wavering on having kids, I wasn’t sure there was a point in getting married. My husband really wanted to though, and eventually I realized that not much would change (we were already living together) and I knew there was no one else I’d ever want to be with – so why not? And I have to say, he was right, be married is kind of cool.
Maybe Lady Liz recently posted..Childfree-by-Choice Mother’s Day Haters: Pipe Down a Sec
Liz, I always love your comments and when you stop by and share your viewpoint. It’s very refreshing and interesting to read where you’re coming from. I actually just wanted to be proposed to, truth be told. I wanted the big proposal. The heartfelt, can’t-live-without-you-you’re-the-only-one-for-me thing. I actually dreamt more of that than my wedding day. I was okay living together forever I think…as long as we were engaged. I thought being engaged was so romantic. Your reaction and road to married life reminded me of a Whitney episode. Do you ever watch that show? She’s a lot to swallow, but her views and yours are very similar on many things. Pretty cool.