I do believe this is one of the only years I didn’t resolve to lose weight. Ever since my early 20s I’ve done nothing but pack on the pounds. In high school I was a svelte 118. But come freshmen year of college, I put on the Freshmen 15 and then some. (Hey, I’ve always been an overachiever!)

And then I just kept adding…

Anyway, I wasn’t comfortable in my body for a long time. It was only when we moved to Jacksonville in 1999 and Wayne somehow convinced me to join the Holmes Lumber Jax Master’s Swim Team that I got over a lot of my self-consciousness. I mean, come on. When you meet people for the first time when you’re half-naked and they go on to become some of the best friends you’ve ever had? It’s actually quite freeing. You’re being accepted as is. That’s huge.

Plus, heavy as I was, I was active. I might not have looked like I was in great shape, but swimming 2,000 yards plus three times a week in addition to walking three miles at least five days a week…yeah, I was fit.

When I got cancer last year and started losing weight, first because I lost my appetite, then because of chemo, I got down to 152. I fit in my “skinny” jeans again. I would still be considered “fat” by traditional calculations, but I felt great and at a weight I’d longed aimed to be at but never could get to.

However, all the doctors and nurses kept telling me not to diet, not to worry about my weight, and whatever I did to maintain. I’d never heard that before!

But then someone explained why. Skinny people who lose from cancer and chemo often have a worse time recovering. Seems illogical doesn’t it?

Trouble is, they have no meat to fight with. Their body starts to fight itself instead of the disease. Systems start to shut down. Hospital stays are required.

Being fat actually helped my recovery!

Still, I tried to maintain my weight loss. All my attempts were in vain. I skyrocketed back up to my pre-cancer weight in no time.

New efforts to try and lose have all been in vain. Which is a little concerning, except…

Even though I was heavy, I was actually healthy before my cancer. I’ll never forget when I got checked in the hospital after I was told I had the tumor. They all kept marveling about how my blood work was actually fine. I was, on paper, a healthy woman. If not for the pain, they’d never have found the cancer. (Or perhaps not until it was too late.)

Then last night on NBC Nightly News they did a report about a regular-size lady and one who was overweight but active. The regular-sized lady was the one who’d had to have heart surgery at 50, whereas the other lady’s heart was in great shape.

Which also made me think of the 60 Minutes report they did on a lady who swims in very cold water and sets records. Guess what? She’s not the picture of health. She’s got some flub…but it’s what helps her do her record-breaking swims in the very cold water like she does. (Well, flub and a screw loose. Why anyone would purposely find cold water to swim in to break records is beyond me!)

150 would be great if I could ever get there. But since I like food as much as I do and am not motivated to change my eating habits, it’s not likely to happen.

However, I do exercise. Volleyball, walking, and now tennis. In addition to WiiFit. (Which some might scoff at, but let me tell you some of those exercises will get you sweating and your muscles sore if you do them right!)

And I’m aware that it actually does take a certain amount of fitness to do them. Chemo about did me in. On my good weeks I’d go to Owl Park and aim to get in two laps. A normal walk would be 4. Two was pushing it. Some days one lap was all I had in me. (And it was sometimes all I could do to complete it!)

I also couldn’t walk Murph very far. And when I went back to volleyball the first time? I kept falling! (Luckily it was in the sand.)

Still, I’ve played sand volleyball four to five nights a week every spring and summer since we’ve lived here, plus two to three nights a week indoor in fall and winter. I’ve never lost weight playing, but seeing what chemo did to my body made me realize I’d been in better shape than I realized.

So the moral of the story is…I may just be doomed to 180+. (Unless I decide to drastically alter my eating habits. Not that I eat all that horribly. But I do like certain things a bit too much!)

However, don’t judge me by my cover. I’ll give you a run for your money on the volleyball court, the tennis court, or on Wii. (I’m just about unbeatable at Wii Tennis. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!)

I’ve been moaning to my writing gal pals (specifically Chris of Candid Canine and Jan of the newly launched Your Space and Time) how I’ve been on this awful rejection streak. It’s lasted like six months! (But it feels like a freaking lifetime!)

Last year, even with starting it off one-handed, sick from the chemo, and battling for my life, I somehow managed to write. It actually inspired me to keep going.

It was also one of my most productive fiction submission years since 2007. (I submitted 46 stories then. I did 29 last year, compared to only 10 in 2008! However, I did have some major life upheaval in 2008, so I do have to take that into consideration. Yet overall I was still down. In 2005 and 2006 I was submitting 50 and 60 pieces a year. In 2004 I did 80!)

Anyway, when I got the news I had cancer I did some soul searching and decided, as much as Wayne hates it and thinks I’m wasting my time and tries to discourage me with his pessimism, writing is my passion and not pursuing it denies my authentic self happiness. Which is just no longer acceptable.

So…I set out on a quest to write, write, write and submit, submit, submit during my good weeks. (Meaning, my non-chemo, wretching into my pukey bucket every five seconds weeks.)

I was on a roll until mid-August. With the exception of one flash at Flashes in the Dark, everything else was getting rejected. Or the publishers were going out of business. Or they flat just never responded period.

I got discouraged and decided to instead focus all of my energy on Haunt Jaunts.

I told myself I’d also work on Shadyside, my horror novel, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was suddenly gripped with not being able to handle the rejections.

Which has never happened to me. Rejections usually inspire me to try harder. Not this time. They were paralyzing me from acting. Both writing fiction and submitting.

But by the end of last year, I had that itch again. (And it wasn’t just from the case of Shingles I got! It was that itch to write.)

I’m never short on story ideas. I was getting more and more every day. The red book I store them all in was growing and growing.

I know Life can be cruel, but no way would my Muse be sending all these ideas if I wasn’t supposed to do something with them.

So, I resolved to get back on the horse. It throws me off again? Tough. Wipe off the dirt and get back on again. And keep repeating that process until I’m able to stay on that darn horse!

Well, what do you know?

Sylvia from Bylines, which I’d been featured in twice before, wrote with an acceptance congratulating me on my essay being included in this year’s calendar too! I had given up hope on that one because I usually hear back from her way before December. She’d had some Life challenges too which had caused a delay, but the calendar would still be released.

Woohoo! That was my first streak-breaker!

Then this morning I checked emails and had one from Lori at Flashes in the Dark. She was writing to tell me that my submission “Between the Wolf and the Dog” (my first one not just for 2010, but as part of my “Ride That Horse No Matter What!” campaign) would go live on January 18th.

SWEET!

Streak broken! Confidence reboosted. For now I have a grip on the reigns.

But if the darn horse bucks me off down the path, which I know it will, woo doggie, I’ll be ready to brush myself off, tend any bruises, and get back on it again. Yee haw!

Yep, that’s me. Cowgirl Courtie, saddled up and ready to ride in 2010!

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Starting as early as late last week they were forecasting measurable snow for us here in Nashville today. Then all this week the chances for that happening were 90%.

What a disappointment to wake up this morning and not find the promised snow. (They were estimating between one to three inches. That’s not a lot, but for somewhere unaccustomed to getting much snow, it’s a big deal.)

However, schools shut down.

Ever since we moved in here 2005, every time there’s snow, even if it’s only a quarter inch, schools close.

The first winter that left us stumped. Both Wayne and I grew up in Denver. Both of us lived there through some pretty significant snow storms, and even a blizzard or three. Like any red-blooded American kid, we relished snow days. But do you think Denver Public Schools (DPS) granted them often? No, they did not. It had to be as near to blizzard conditions as you can get them before they’d even consider shutting things down.

But that’s Colorado where snow’s a part of winter life. Here, even though they have sand trucks and some snow plows, they’re really not equipped for true snowy winter weather.

Also, in 2003 there was a snow storm that set the “Declare a Snow Day at the Drop of a Flake” precedent. The snow didn’t start until kids were in school. It picked up fast and by the time they decided to let school out early, it was too late.

Too much snow had fallen and slicked up the roads. Buses –filled with kids– got stuck. Parents didn’t know where there children were. It took hours before some got home.

In short, I guess it turned into a nightmarish mess. No one wanted to repeat that mistake again. Better to be safe than sorry.

So, that’s why people rushed out in droves to grocery store last night. And that’s why school was canceled today.

Because, even though we woke up to only overcast skies, there was still a chance that, like in 2003, the snows could start later in the morning and become heavier.

It’s been spitting snow off and on most of the morning. For the past hour and a half it’s been picking up somewhat. Some is even now starting to stick to the sidewalks and powder the lawns. They say an inch is still possible.

All I know, snow days are good. But when we got snow days as a kid and actually had snow to go along with them, nothing beat a morning of sledding, snowball fighting, snow fort or snowman making, followed by a good cup of hot cocoa, a little rest, and then an afternoon of resumed outdoor fun.

Nashville kids don’t know what they’re truly missing!

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