Wayne’s out of town on assignment again so last night after volleyball I had complete control of the TV. We both watch Glee but we’re two weeks behind on episodes due to our cruise. (Well, maybe only I am. Wayne sometimes catches up before work in the mornings when I’m still in bed.)
Anyway, I watched the episode where Bieber Fever took hold of the Gleeks. And where Sue got so depressed and joined Glee Club for a while.
At one point Will takes her somewhere to try and snap her out of her funk. It turns out to be a pediatric cancer ward where he sings to the kids once a month.
Kids with cancer get me tearing up something fierce these days. After my experiences with cancer, it breaks my heart seeing children having to endure treatments that can bring adults to their breaking points. It’s just not right!
Anyway, so I was already emotionally vulnerable as the scene started unfolding, but as they got ready to sing and I wondered which song they’d go with, I turned into a blubbering mess as they started singing “This little light of mine.”
That was the song I’d sing to myself to get me through, especially on the hardest or scariest of days. It just sort of came to me the first day I was home from the hospital standing naked and scared in the shower wondering about my future. All I knew was I wanted to live. I wasn’t ready to check out. I was determined to beat this thing and find an inner strength to make it through no matter what.
Suddenly, from somewhere buried inside, I started croaking out “This little light of mine.” It was a song I hadn’t sung since I was probably a child. I don’t even know how I thought of it, but there it was, just coming out on its own.
It was just a whisper at first, but you know what? It felt good to sing it. The lyrics were powerful. They filled me with strength and courage.
So I started singing it louder. I started envisioning a light glowing brighter and brighter in my belly and radiating outward. Then I started feeling empowered. And hopeful. I felt like my little glowing light was going to shine so bright on that cancer that it couldn’t help but melt away! I was going to be positively beaming with health, dagnabbit, because my little light was not ready to flicker out. I had a lot of shining left to do, and cancer wasn’t going to steal that from me!
I sang that song a lot. Sometimes in the shower as loud as I could. Sometimes in my head when I got scared at doctor visits. Sometimes in bed at night when worry wanted to rob me of sleep.
Kind of weird. Another theme in that Glee epsiode was anthems. If ever oh ever there was a cancer anthem, “This little light of mine” is it.