I had several questions for my primary care doc Wednesday besides the “What’s going on with my cycle?” one. My nails keep cracking, and the thumb nail on my right hand keeps splitting. (It’s been doing that for years, but it got real bad like it is now right before I discovered my hitchhiker.) But the biggie was: what’s up with my weight?

I weighed in at 187 in January 2008. That was it, my number that made me say, “Okay, I gotta do something.”

I started exercising more and cutting out the sweets. I dropped to 184. Then I had trouble budging the scale.

I’m not sure when I got down to 177. My mom got sick March 2008 and my life changed into a big, surrealistic, nightmarish blur. I sort of was aware I was eating less. (Because I have a bad tummy that tends to explode at the most inopportune times. I was running all over with my mom, who was so out of it I feared losing her because she’d decide to wander off while I was stuck in a restroom somewhere. Can you just see the headlines? I could. I don’t mind publicity but I don’t want that kind of notoriety!)

Anyway, by the time we took our Alaskan cruise in August of 2008 I was down to 170. And I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I loved it. (I remember a time I almost puked when I saw the scale had reached the 170 mark.)

Not as much as I liked dropping to 160, then 155 thanks to chemo though. BAD way to lose weight, but hey. I had to enjoy something from all that misery, didn’t I?

But once I was off chemo, I sprung right back up to 168. That’s where I was last year for our Cape San Blas 4th of July beach vacation.

The scale has only climbed since. I’m now back to 188.

Yet, I really haven’t changed my diet much. (Well, okay from barely eating during chemo and throwing up pretty much anything I did, yes, that’s changed. But before that, like when I had gotten down to 170, no. My eating is about the same.)

Of course, maybe the cancer was eating up my flub then. That is one of the symptoms. Weight loss. And losing has never been easy for me.

But I do exercise. I walk Murph every day, I play tennis 2-3 times a week, volleyball is about 2 times a week. And sometimes I even walk without Murph. The past week I’ve been sneaking in some swimming too. (With plans to do more.)

Anyway, the doctor said if I’m not getting results I could always try phentermine. Most people have great success with it and lose fast.

Sounds great, except I’m not one to do drugs. I’m not on the pill and never have been because I think it just messes with the body too much. I’m more of a natural kind of girl.

Still, the idea of losing 30 pounds in 3 months with the help of this pill was awfully tempting.

My new plan is to ramp up my exercise and eating healthier regimen. One thing I’ve always sort of wanted to try is a mini-triathlon. I want to see if focusing on something like that, and putting the time in training, will help me drop pounds.

I don’t want to be stick thin. My ideal weight would be 160. If I could get to 150 that would be awesome. For my height I’d still be overweight, but I don’t look it as much at that weight.

Also, my driver’s license is due for renewal this year. I don’t want to look like the happy hippo I’ve been in this other one. I want my 170 face back. (At least. The less of a double chin the better!)

At any rate, I guess it’s good to know about this phentermine stuff in case I get very desperate. But I think I’d rather try a not cheating way first.

So…mini-tri training here I come!

For the last 20 years I’ve fretted about my weight. I’ve watched it do mostly nothing except go up. A few times I score a victory and see it drop for a bit.

But the trouble is I love food, I find a lot of pleasure in eating, and I detest counting calories. So the only watching of what I eat is watching it go in my mouth.

I’ve come up with a bunch of diet plan ideas the last few years. I’ve never stuck with them long enough to see if they’d work, but I’ve always thought if I could, I might find weight loss fame and fortune in addition to weight loss.

Here’s a few of my diet plans:

1. THE FIVE MINUTE PLAN: Set a timer for five minutes. Eat whatever you want in those five minutes. Repeat three times a day. Have two one-minute snacks throughout the day. (The thinking is, “How much could you really eat in five minutes?” Surely this would limit calorie intake and help you lose weight.)
2. THE SURVIVOR PLAN: I heard someone else talk about doing this once too, so it’s maybe not entirely fresh. (At least about eating like they do on Survivor somewhat. But the workout ideas are all mine.) THE FOOD PORTION: Eat only a cup of rice three times a day (tops) for 39 days. (If you can make out with only once or twice a day that’d probably help you lose weight faster.) You can also have coconut, mangos and bananas a couple times a day. THE WORKOUT PORTION: Like they do on the show, you can also have “Rewards” every once in a while. The Rewards are key to the exercise side of the equation of this diet plan. You want to do a lot of exercise. And having an “opponent” doing this plan would also be good. You can compete to see who wins the most weight lost every few days. Winner gets a predetermined award you’ve agreed on between yourselves. You can also compete in physical challenges: Whoever can walk the farthest in 30 minutes on a treadmill, whoever has the fastest time on a bike (stationary or otherwise), or even use the Wii and do Wii Fit things to see who has the youngest age or who gets higher scores on any of the aerobics or training games. If you don’t have anyone to compete against, you can modify some of the above for an individual and reward yourself if you reach your weight loss goal that week or get a certain score on certain Wii Fit Plus games.
3. THE PANERA’S DIET: First it was Subway, now Taco Bell’s got one, but Panera’s is really the most obvious of all the “fast food” chains to have food that could help with weight loss. Think about it, if you eat Panera’s every day for every meal (because they do offer breakfast, lunch and dinner), and you lose weight, you could be the next fast food chain spokesperson to claim weight loss fame and fortune! The only downside is both Subway and Taco Bell are a little lighter on the pocketbook. Panera’s could cost as much as NutriSystems or Jenny Craig for the food. (Well, maybe not that much.) However, if you’re successful, it’ll probably translate into compensation eventually. Likely from being a paid Panera’s spokeperson.

What kind of diet plans have you ever envisioned? Have you ever tried any of them?

You know what I hate at any time of the year but especially now? Weight loss commercials!

But something I’ve just recently noticed and which made me stop and say, “Hmmm…” is almost all of them have a “Results not typical” disclaimer.

Take Nutrisystem for example. The success story people are all enthusiastic about their 40, 50, or more weight loss breakthroughs, but the fine print under all their stories is “Results not typical.”

Taco Bell unleashed it’s new Fresco campaign with Christine Dougherty, the next Jared Fogle in the making. She claims she lost 54 pounds in two years eating Taco Bell’s “Fresco” fare.

But guess what’s written all over these Taco Bell commercials advertising this news? Yep. “Results not typical.”

Slim Fast and Weight Watchers are among the bigger weight loss companies who also both have similar disclaimers.

Sneaky. So what are their typical results? I mean, they throw out those amazing success stories as bait to lure in those who want the same results. Who buy from those companies expecting the same results, but then feel like failures when they don’t reach them. All because nowhere was it made crystal clear that those amazing results are not typical, but there are results you can expect to obtain. Of course, they’re nowhere near as exciting as the atypical ones.

Apparently I’m slow on the uptake because savvy consumer groups have been crying “Foul!” to the FTC about such disclaimers for years. (Not just for weight loss products, but for any company using testimonials with uncommonly good results to sell their product.)

The FTC listened. New guides were created, which went into effect December 1, 2009. Now companies are supposed to include with any “Results not typical” disclaimer what kind of results a consumer can truly expect.

I’m going to look more closely, but I haven’t seen such statements on any of the weight loss commercials I’ve seen lately.

Unless they’re written in even smaller small print than the “Results not typical” disclaimers.

Sources: “Results Not Typical” Disclaimer Bites the Dust

In Fat and Fine With It? I wrote about how I’ve been heavy for years now, even though I am physically active.

When I was going through chemo a neighbor stopped by with info about a healthy eating program. It was basically a raw vegan diet. She said she did it and it works for her. She’s never had cancer, nor has she ever had a weight problem.

I know she meant well, so I accepted the pamphlets and thanked her for stopping. However, I was a bit miffed.

She never asked what kind of cancer I had. She never asked what I ate. For all she knew I could have been a vegan who loved indulging in French fries too much!

And I don’t know if being overweight contributed to my cancer or not. Wayne likes to harp on me that it probably didn’t help and I need to take better care of myself in that respect. He may be right. And I do appreciate his concern.

However, from 2007 into 2008, especially 2008, I experienced some of the most intense stress I’d ever faced. It was all self-induced. I shouldn’t have let things get to me like I did.

Still, it happened. And I remember often feeling my blood. A few times I felt my heart hurt in ways I was sure was a sign I was about to have a heart attack. I also remember saying often that I was so stressed and upset it felt almost toxic. How I could feel my blood burning at some points.

I wasn’t all that surprised to learn lymphoma was a cancer of the blood. It made sense to me. I knew the feelings I’d had had been toxic! I’m convinced it was the stress that led to the cancer.

Which for me is why I place as much value on my mental health as I do my physical health. I even came up with the affirmation “Happy cells are healthy cells” to remind myself of this. I’m determined to never let myself feel that kind of stress ever again!

I do believe this is one of the only years I didn’t resolve to lose weight. Ever since my early 20s I’ve done nothing but pack on the pounds. In high school I was a svelte 118. But come freshmen year of college, I put on the Freshmen 15 and then some. (Hey, I’ve always been an overachiever!)

And then I just kept adding…

Anyway, I wasn’t comfortable in my body for a long time. It was only when we moved to Jacksonville in 1999 and Wayne somehow convinced me to join the Holmes Lumber Jax Master’s Swim Team that I got over a lot of my self-consciousness. I mean, come on. When you meet people for the first time when you’re half-naked and they go on to become some of the best friends you’ve ever had? It’s actually quite freeing. You’re being accepted as is. That’s huge.

Plus, heavy as I was, I was active. I might not have looked like I was in great shape, but swimming 2,000 yards plus three times a week in addition to walking three miles at least five days a week…yeah, I was fit.

When I got cancer last year and started losing weight, first because I lost my appetite, then because of chemo, I got down to 152. I fit in my “skinny” jeans again. I would still be considered “fat” by traditional calculations, but I felt great and at a weight I’d longed aimed to be at but never could get to.

However, all the doctors and nurses kept telling me not to diet, not to worry about my weight, and whatever I did to maintain. I’d never heard that before!

But then someone explained why. Skinny people who lose from cancer and chemo often have a worse time recovering. Seems illogical doesn’t it?

Trouble is, they have no meat to fight with. Their body starts to fight itself instead of the disease. Systems start to shut down. Hospital stays are required.

Being fat actually helped my recovery!

Still, I tried to maintain my weight loss. All my attempts were in vain. I skyrocketed back up to my pre-cancer weight in no time.

New efforts to try and lose have all been in vain. Which is a little concerning, except…

Even though I was heavy, I was actually healthy before my cancer. I’ll never forget when I got checked in the hospital after I was told I had the tumor. They all kept marveling about how my blood work was actually fine. I was, on paper, a healthy woman. If not for the pain, they’d never have found the cancer. (Or perhaps not until it was too late.)

Then last night on NBC Nightly News they did a report about a regular-size lady and one who was overweight but active. The regular-sized lady was the one who’d had to have heart surgery at 50, whereas the other lady’s heart was in great shape.

Which also made me think of the 60 Minutes report they did on a lady who swims in very cold water and sets records. Guess what? She’s not the picture of health. She’s got some flub…but it’s what helps her do her record-breaking swims in the very cold water like she does. (Well, flub and a screw loose. Why anyone would purposely find cold water to swim in to break records is beyond me!)

150 would be great if I could ever get there. But since I like food as much as I do and am not motivated to change my eating habits, it’s not likely to happen.

However, I do exercise. Volleyball, walking, and now tennis. In addition to WiiFit. (Which some might scoff at, but let me tell you some of those exercises will get you sweating and your muscles sore if you do them right!)

And I’m aware that it actually does take a certain amount of fitness to do them. Chemo about did me in. On my good weeks I’d go to Owl Park and aim to get in two laps. A normal walk would be 4. Two was pushing it. Some days one lap was all I had in me. (And it was sometimes all I could do to complete it!)

I also couldn’t walk Murph very far. And when I went back to volleyball the first time? I kept falling! (Luckily it was in the sand.)

Still, I’ve played sand volleyball four to five nights a week every spring and summer since we’ve lived here, plus two to three nights a week indoor in fall and winter. I’ve never lost weight playing, but seeing what chemo did to my body made me realize I’d been in better shape than I realized.

So the moral of the story is…I may just be doomed to 180+. (Unless I decide to drastically alter my eating habits. Not that I eat all that horribly. But I do like certain things a bit too much!)

However, don’t judge me by my cover. I’ll give you a run for your money on the volleyball court, the tennis court, or on Wii. (I’m just about unbeatable at Wii Tennis. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!)

I love to walk, but ever since we moved to Nashville in 2005 I haven’t been walking as much. The hills in our neighborhood deter me.

EXCUSES, EXCUSES

However, there are lots of parks around with flat paths. Trouble is, then it requires getting in the car and going somewhere…any excuse to get out of exercising (even walking which I enjoy doing), I’ll use it!

Although, that’s not being fair to myself. I love taking my dog Murphy for a walk. But in August 2008 he busted up his leg and needed a major surgery. He’s just now recovered enough from that so we can do mini-walks again. (Meaning about a mile, whereas we would do 2-3 miles easy…even a couple of times a day.)

But to go by myself…boring. Plus, then I’m in my own head. Dangerous. I either stew about some perceived injustice done to me, or end up plotting 40 different things to do with my writing, my blog, my life in general…basically, I overwhelm myself with good intentions!

However, as the weight’s crept back on after chemo…first to 165, then 170, then 175, now over 180 again (even though I tried desperately to maintain!), I know I have to do something. Walking has always helped in the past. And music…that used to keep me company on my 4 and 5 milers back in Jax.

Then at some point my little MP3 broke and I just never got around to replacing it.

AN IDEA IS BORN…

But I bought one for Wayne for his birthday back in September. An RCA Pearl. He didn’t like it. It’s small, but his old one, which he adored, was teeny tiny. Like only as long as his pinkie and not much wider. It was battery operated too. He didn’t want the recharge via the computer kind.

Well, I decided to keep his. But I only broke it out of the box this week. That’s when I discovered it’s battery operated too. And it has a handy built-in USB…no wires to keep straight!

Also, it said it was Audible.com ready, and it came with an offer for a free Audible.com audio book. (Which I only discovered once I opened the package.)  I had seen an ad on TV for Audible.com a few weeks back, and that’s when the idea started to form: something else I really enjoy listening to is audio books. In Jax I used to rent them from the library and listen while I did dishes, housework, tackled various painting projects (I was forever painting that house!)…it always made the time go faster and I really enjoyed experiencing the books that I rarely had time to actually read. What if I listened to books while I walked like my friend Nila does? How fun would that be?

BREAKING THE “BUT” CYCLE

Ah ha! “Fun.” Key word. If I like it, I do it. I make time for it. I end up losing weight effortlessly…

I also found that I really like walking in Lenox Village, which is a 3 minute drive from our house. (Before that, Owl Park was my top pick. Less than 10 minutes from home, flat path, nice park, but…the path’s only like .7 around so I have to do laps. Which is okay, but I’d rather see a change up in scenery. I could always walk in the neighborhood that borders the park too, but…that’s just it. I always came up with a “but.”)

However, not anymore. I’m determined to break my “but” cycle! Yesterday I finally took my MP3 out for a spin, with World War Z loaded on it. Or so I thought. I didn’t know how to load it up right apparently.

LOCKED AND LOADED

But after a few (yes, a few) hours today trying to figure it all out, World War Z is finally loaded properly. This afternoon I’ll head out for a walk in Lenox Village and see how it all goes. Hopefully as good as yesterday’s walk. I was frustrated I couldn’t get the audio book to play. I kept fiddling with it, then finally gave up and listened to the samples they had on already before changing to music. I ended up having a wonderful walk!

Now I’m eager to go and do it again today. Especially because it’ll help ease all the stress I’m feeling about my dad.