April strikes again!

It gave me chills. I saw it coming. I wrote about it here and on Haunt Jaunts. (See: Madame Mroch’s Prognostications.)

Well, I didn’t see the Belarus bombing coming. (Not that it would be a subway bombing or in Belarus, but I’m not surprised someone felt the need to blow something up like that. April has a penchant for such events.)

But the Japan thing…how anyone didn’t see that coming is what perplexes me. First off, not only is it April, but didn’t we learn anything from last year’s BP oil spill in the Gulf? It’s always worse than the authorities let on. They never tell the truth until the situation gets so out of control they can’t lie about it any more!

And as I was reminded of yet another sentinel event that happened in April (the anniversary of the start of the Civil War –or the War Between the States, depending on where you live and how it’s interpreted), I wondered: Was it Mercury Retrograde then too?

Which got me wondering if a Mercury Retrograde cycle has been in place during the other April Curse events.

And what about self-fulfilling prophecies? Is April really cursed with more than it’s fair share of sentinel events, or am I trying to make a fit? (Or do other people see how bad things happen in April and get the idea they’ll do something then too? The Columbine Massacre could sort of fit in with this as they boys were said to love Hitler and Nazis and wanted to do something big in honor of something big the Nazis did in April. I forget what it was now, but something with the Holocaust.)

When people are responsible for the mayhem (ie. the Belarus subway bombing, the Columbine massacre, the Oklahoma City bombing), do they unleash their crazy in April because of seasonal factors? For instance, was it a very cold winter that left them homebound with more time on their hands than usual to plot their craziness? When it finally starts to warm up in April is that why they come out? Does increased sunlight play any factor? (For some, more sun in Spring makes them more frisky in a sexual way. Maybe it affects their crazy/destructive side somehow?)

I really want to study this more. I think it’s super fascinating. And I’m growing more and more curious about what kind of correlations I might find…or might not, as the case may also be.

There were other factors at play last April, though, too. Planetary type of things. (It was also set to be a period of Mercury Retrograde, and Saturn was re-entering Virgo, which mostly had the potential to affect Virgos but perhaps influenced other factors too.)

I realize not all bad things happen in April. It just seems like April has more than it’s fair share of notable catastrophes.

That’s why I keep watching the Japanese nuclear reactor situation with such interest.  With April only a week away, I’m wondering if a meltdown is inevitable. Or something equally as catastrophic. (I don’t know all the nuclear terms for what can go wrong, but it sure seems to me that’s the path all that’s headed down.)

Last year I found it curious after I did an Internet search that I’m not the only one who believes April’s cursed. I keep threatening to do a study of which months have the most disasters to see if there’s something to it all, but I haven’t been that ambitious. I only get that way as April draws near.

But as I’m writing this I also wonder if it’s not just April, but something else I alluded to above. Did certain astrological influences influence April’s potency last year?

I wonder if anyone’s ever done a study on which stars were aligned how when certain bad things happened? Be it April or otherwise. That’d be interesting to look into also.

Hmmm…I’m certainly never at any shortage for project ideas, but this one keeps nagging at me. And apparently evolving. Now I’m curious to know not only if April is a cursed month, but what was happening astrologically when certain major events happened, be they in April or otherwise.

Oh boy. Another book idea has just been born.

I don’t know what made me stop on CNN. Dr. Sanjay Gupta was about to come on and something caught my eye about one of the stories he was going to cover. I don’t remember exactly what was said, but it had something to do with a new book out about the history of cancer.

It turned out to be a segment on The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer by Siddhartha Mukherjee.

Dr. Gupta interviewed the author. Fascinating. Not sure why no one thought of compiling a book such as this before, but it traces the origins of cancer and this history of those involved.

At one point they showed a photo of the first child to receive chemo for leukemia. It was 1947 I believe. He was two years old. At that time a leukemia diagnosis meant you only had weeks or months to live. Due to a pioneering doctor’s idea, this little boy lived to be just shy of his fourth birthday.

They showed a clip of the mom talking about her son. While it was a great coup for medicine, it still resulted in a tragic loss for her. One she was bitter about, because they’d declared him cured. Yet, he still died.

That really hit home. That’s the thing most people don’t understand about “surviving” cancer. Remission, what I’m currently in, doesn’t mean I’m cured. It means I’m still healing. It means my cancer could reappear. Right now my body is showing signs of being healed and well, but it’s still too early to say cured. I understood why that mother was so upset.

Yet, to her and to the countless others who have lost children, spouses, siblings, and other loved ones I say this: thank you. Just as many soldiers never expected to truly fight in a war, people with cancer have been drafted into the ultimate battle.

Some, like myself, come out of it relatively unscathed. I had four months of chemo and another month of radiation, but I only had one hospital stay and no surgery. I know others who had to undergo far less treatment than myself, and others who’ve endured years of treatment. 

Every day I say a prayer for those going through cancer to find the courage to battle on and the strength for when theirs fails. But I also say a prayer for all of those who have gone before me. The ones who consented to be guinea pigs and test out new treatments. The ones who lost their lives in that quest for health. The doctors and researchers who study the disease and find ways to treat and cure it. The loved ones who have to stay strong and become caretakers.

But they never had faces or names. Some did. Like some of the people I’ve met along my journey. But the ones who were the firsts to do anything, like develop chemo or take it…who were they? Until The Emperor of All Maladies I had no idea. I just knew they existed, but not who they were. Now I do.

What a marvelous book. I’m glad Siddhartha Mukherjee felt compelled to create it. Now I have faces and names to put to my prayer.

Then I started doing “Letters to Spirit” based on something I’d read in one of Sarah Ban Breathnach’s books. (Likely Simple Abundance, but it could’ve been Something More.)

At any rate, she explained how she wrote letters to Spirit at the end of every year giving thanks and relating what happened. But then she’d write another such letter, except dated for the same time next year. It detailed all the things she’d done –or, rather, saw herself doing and accomplishing in the coming year.

She marveled how close they’d match each other when she compared what really happened to her future letter.

I gave it a go and continued the tradition until 2007, when things started to get too chaotic and my heart wasn’t in it. However, until that point those letters were my favorite End the Year/Welcome the New Year tradition. It was almost eerie how many of my end of the year letters would end up matching the year before’s future letter.  

I think I’m ready to reinstate that tradition this year. My soul feels more settled and ready to think about the future again. Last year I was just so grateful and amazed to be alive. I had dodged a bullet with the cancer and was still dealing with feelings of “What if it comes back? How much future do I really have?”

But this year, even though thoughts of “Will it come back?” still cross my mind, I don’t dwell on it as much. What’s gonna happen is gonna happen.

Until whatever happens that’s gonna happens happens though, I have to live my life. And having goals to look forward to is part of what helped me get into remission.

But I didn’t set any very clear ones last year. Well, I did. I made a list of things I’d like to do, but lists aren’t magical like End of Year Letters to Spirit are.

I’m ready to bring back some magic and sail forth into a wondrous 2011 rather than look at another list full of very few things crossed out.

What about you? What do you hope to accomplish in 2011? And did you accomplish all you’d set out to in 2010?

I’m not super crazy about the subject matter. Thanks to Wayne I feel I have a pretty good grasp on financial responsibility.

However, I love her writing. And her first book, Simple Abundance, was released in a very similar climate. (The recession of the easrly 1990s.) I’m sure she’ll have many witty insights, wonderful quotes, and thought-provoking anecdotes like she’s had in all of her books.

I’m just excited to read something else of hers. Simple Abundance was nothing short of a life-changing manual for me. It’s one of the only books I’ve read more than once. (About seven times in the last 10 years.) I’ve been sort of craving her sage prose and I’m super happy to know I’ll soon have something new to feast upon!

TWO VIRGOS

However, we’re both Virgos. As long as I can remember (meaning ever since we started dating back in 1986), he’s read his horoscope.

About 15 years ago, he started noticing something: whatever happens to him, happens to me (or vice versa). It was simply uncanny and unmistakable when the horoscope said we’d be experiencing X, we’d both experience X.

It might be a little bit different, but you could see the similarities. Someone would call me out of the blue, same thing with him. I’d have an issue with a family member or co-worker, so would he.

THE BLACK CLOUD

In 2008, I started noticing what I called a “black cloud” hovering over us. I even wrote about it when I still worked for Families.com. People had all kinds of suggestions for trying to get out from under it, and Wayne even thought I was attracting all the doom because I kept focusing on it.

However, in 2009 he got more into the astrology after I was diagnosed with cancer and again reiterated it had to be a black cloud. No way could someone be through all we’d gone through with my mom and sister in 2008, then five months later get cancer too without some kind of something being involved.

Guess what? I was right. There was a black cloud –well, more like a black planet. Wayne figured out Saturn was to blame.

THE BIG, BAD BLACK PLANET

Saturn had entered Virgo in 2007. That was a challenging year too. I spent half of it away from Wayne because he’d moved back to Florida to take a new job, which left me behind to try and sell the house. It was no fun.

Five months later the house was still not selling (or not for what we were willing to part with it for) and the new job was sucking it. He decided to move back and get his old job back. That was November 2007. Three months later my mom went down and next thing I knew I was moving her in with us to care for her.

We learned a lot of life lessons during those years. It forged us in ways we maybe haven’t even realized yet. When 2009 drew to a close we were celebrating because it also meant kissing Saturn goodbye. Bye, bye Black Planet, hello happy times are here again!

IT’S BAAAAAAAACK

But then we learned Saturn was going to pull a fast one on us. It wasn’t done with us yet and was going to come back into our lives for a brief stint in 2010.

NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Today Wayne sent me a link explaining April was going to throw us a double whammy: Saturn moves back into Virgo for a 14 week stay starting April 7 and Mercury goes Retrograde (which poses problems for all signs) on April 18.

SENSE OF FOREBODING

The last few days I’ve had this bad feeling. A feeling that this nice, happy life we’ve been living lately, the one that so resembled our life pre-Black Cloud, was going to evaporate. Something “else” was going to happen and rain on our parade again.

I knew Saturn was going to affect us again, but I hadn’t paid attention to when. Here’s my head’s up that I need to buckle up and strap in for another bumpy ride.

But the good thing is it won’t last too long. Come July 21 we’ll be done with Saturn for another 36 years.

MORE ABOUT SATURN THE BIG, BAD, BLACK CLOUD PLANET

Even though I’m not too fond of Saturn because I associate it with cancer, trauma, alienation, and betrayal, astrologist Susan Miller sums up Saturn best: the teacher-taskmaster planet. (She also referred to living through Saturn influences as surviving the “cosmic bootcamp.” I thought that was so clever and perfect because that’s what it felt like!)

While it is true that Saturn will make you work hard and teach you many maturing life lessons, the gains you make during these rare Saturn cycles will be yours to keep forever. You’ll also be quite proud of your accomplishments, for those will be hard won, but worth the effort. Saturn brings stability and structure – we all need both on which to build our dreams. ~excerpt from Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone Virgo Horoscope for 2010~

Interestingly enough, the last time Saturn was in Virgo (before the 2007-2009 time, that is) was 1977-1980. Those years sucked balls for me too. It was when my parents broke up and the custody battle began.

ON THE UPSIDE

From April 1-24 is supposed to be a good time for travel at least. Great! Because 4/21-4/25 we’ll be down in Destin for a volleyball tournament. (It’s also supposed to be a good time to be with friends and for sports so that really has the promise of being the fun time we’re all anticipating it to be!)

Also, Susan Miller wrote that the last time (2007-2009) Saturn was in Virgo, all the “learning” (a.k.a. trauma) had to be handled alone. (Oh man have I never felt as alone as I did, especially from 2008-2009. However, it was curious learning that was also cosmically-influenced).

This time around when Saturn enters Virgo there will be an aspect that’s different: Jupiter in Pisces. This change means that there’ll be partners offering “good ideas and methods to inspire and assist you.” I’ll take it! (I hated that feeling of being so, so, so alone. It got better when I got cancer. Wayne’s love shined through and friends made it abundantly clear how they felt, but before that…very lonely time!)

Also, it’s just 14 weeks and the effects are not supposed to be as intense for birthdays in the earlier part of the sign. (Anything after Sept 17-23 though is supposedly in for a little stronger medicine. Apparently they didn’t get the “full effects” of Saturn’s wrath –er, I mean influence– the first time around because it left before it made it to their part of the charts to complete the cycle or something.)

However, my guard is now up because I’ve had this unsettled feeling lately. But unless it kills me, I’ve lived through hell. It did make me stronger. So, bring it, Saturn. I’m ready.

During the almost 5 years we’ve lived here in Nashville, we haven’t had too many such visitors. Maybe a few is all.

But this morning here came two very semeingly nice ladies with their Jehovah Witness literature trying to engage me in a conversation about whether I believe if good people go to heaven.

Pissed me off. I was right in the middle of writing something else and I have to deal with that distraction. Then I open the door and Tabby, as she’s been prone to do lately, saw the opportunity to dart out. I had to get shoes on and chase her through the bushes. Then they presume I (a) have time to chit chat with unexpected, uninvited and unwelcome visitors and (b) I give a shit what happens to good people after they die.

And what is a good person anyway? I know people who I consider “good people” who others would run in terror from. If all it takes is believing in God (the Christian version) then I know a lot of people who would be considered “bad” (myself included) according to that definition.

Guess what? I have no idea what a good person is. I don’t know if there is a heaven or who’s getting in. All I know is every day I’m presented with choices to act either bad or good depending on the situation.

Today I chose to act polite and tell the ladies “Listen, you both seem very lovely but I’m in the middle of something and can’t talk right now.”

I’d qualify that as good, because I was tempted to say, “Listen, this is a bunch of horseshit. You’re pretty presumptuous thinking you have any right to go door to door trying to save people or preach them scripture. My God wouldn’t think that’s too good.”

But I refrained. Mostly because I knew that’d eat up more of my time and I wanted just to end it and get back to what I’d been doing.

Besides, I knew I could always vent via my blog. I feel better now!

1. Lose weight
2. Eat healthier
3. Be a better person

Booooring!

Plus, I never accomplish them anyway. So this year I decided to set myself up for success rather than failure –by giving myself permission to make mistakes.

That’s right. This year I resolve to make as many mistakes as possible. To let it happen. To not try and stop it. To have every kind of experience possible, not fear failure, and to learn from it all I can.

Seems to me that’s the best way to live. And I’m all about living the best way I can anymore. Last year certainly taught me that!

And there must be something to this kind of thinking, because look at just a few of the great quotes I found about it!

“If I had my life to live over… I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.” ~Nadine Stair~

“Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it’s a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.” ~Al Franken~

“Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.” ~Sophia Loren~

“She had an unequalled gift… of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities.” ~Henry James~

At any rate it says something about “Got God?” or “Don’t got God?” I guess it’s upset some people who do believe in God because this is a group for those who don’t –but who would like the fellowship, encouragement, inspiration, and community service opportunities like churches provide.

One person they interviewed was irate about it. He made it clear that people who don’t believe in God and go to traditional church are bad. It’s people like us that are what’s wrong with the world today.

I was curious to hear more, because I fit into the Secular Life mindset. But sometimes people like that can be just as nutty as the uber religious people.

But then they interviewed Secular Life’s founder, a man named Thaddeus. The first thing he made perfectly clear was Secular Life doesn’t bash other beliefs. That’s not their purpose. Their billboard is not meant to upset people, but to draw in others who believe the same way –or perhaps don’t believe in traditional ways.

He seemed very calm, very level headed, but what caught my attention most was his emphasis on being positive. He wanted to create an atmosphere where other like-minded people could come to be inspired and encouraged. They have no interest in putting down other religions, and his response to the critics (the religious people who find the idea of such a group offensive) was, “It is not my intent to offend you.” He just wanted to give people who don’t feel comfortable with traditional religion a place to meet with others who want to live well, create a better world, share knowledge and give and get support, encouragement, and inspiration.

Cool!

I always thought a group like this should exist, a group for non-God people. I was so excited to find one, but never expected to find it in Nashville. As the irate man interviewed last night said, “Groups like this are going to be hard-pressed to find members in the Bible belt.”

Perhaps…but Secular Life’s membership just grew by one today!