For the last 20 years I’ve fretted about my weight. I’ve watched it do mostly nothing except go up. A few times I score a victory and see it drop for a bit.

But the trouble is I love food, I find a lot of pleasure in eating, and I detest counting calories. So the only watching of what I eat is watching it go in my mouth.

I’ve come up with a bunch of diet plan ideas the last few years. I’ve never stuck with them long enough to see if they’d work, but I’ve always thought if I could, I might find weight loss fame and fortune in addition to weight loss.

Here’s a few of my diet plans:

1. THE FIVE MINUTE PLAN: Set a timer for five minutes. Eat whatever you want in those five minutes. Repeat three times a day. Have two one-minute snacks throughout the day. (The thinking is, “How much could you really eat in five minutes?” Surely this would limit calorie intake and help you lose weight.)
2. THE SURVIVOR PLAN: I heard someone else talk about doing this once too, so it’s maybe not entirely fresh. (At least about eating like they do on Survivor somewhat. But the workout ideas are all mine.) THE FOOD PORTION: Eat only a cup of rice three times a day (tops) for 39 days. (If you can make out with only once or twice a day that’d probably help you lose weight faster.) You can also have coconut, mangos and bananas a couple times a day. THE WORKOUT PORTION: Like they do on the show, you can also have “Rewards” every once in a while. The Rewards are key to the exercise side of the equation of this diet plan. You want to do a lot of exercise. And having an “opponent” doing this plan would also be good. You can compete to see who wins the most weight lost every few days. Winner gets a predetermined award you’ve agreed on between yourselves. You can also compete in physical challenges: Whoever can walk the farthest in 30 minutes on a treadmill, whoever has the fastest time on a bike (stationary or otherwise), or even use the Wii and do Wii Fit things to see who has the youngest age or who gets higher scores on any of the aerobics or training games. If you don’t have anyone to compete against, you can modify some of the above for an individual and reward yourself if you reach your weight loss goal that week or get a certain score on certain Wii Fit Plus games.
3. THE PANERA’S DIET: First it was Subway, now Taco Bell’s got one, but Panera’s is really the most obvious of all the “fast food” chains to have food that could help with weight loss. Think about it, if you eat Panera’s every day for every meal (because they do offer breakfast, lunch and dinner), and you lose weight, you could be the next fast food chain spokesperson to claim weight loss fame and fortune! The only downside is both Subway and Taco Bell are a little lighter on the pocketbook. Panera’s could cost as much as NutriSystems or Jenny Craig for the food. (Well, maybe not that much.) However, if you’re successful, it’ll probably translate into compensation eventually. Likely from being a paid Panera’s spokeperson.

What kind of diet plans have you ever envisioned? Have you ever tried any of them?

I’ve been playing league volleyball ever since we moved to Nashville. (Well, we got here in 2005, but it was 2006 before we got hooked up with the league scene. But ever since then I’ve been playing a minimum of two nights a week. Four in the summer.)

And that was on top of the four summers we spent playing every weekend at Jax Beach when we lived in Jacksonville. As my friend Brenda likes to tease, once I drank the Kool Aid I was never the same. (Addicted, obsessed…we’ve called my Volleyball Problem many things.)

However, I’ve always kind of been interested in tennis, too. Didn’t know anything about it. Except from the obvious that it was played on a court with rackets and balls.

But rules? Scoring? Or even the basics like controlling the ball? Clueless.

My experiences with tennis can be summed up thusly:

• Wayne and I played some when we first met. Or tried to just hit it back and forth, I should say. He did fine, but my balls were all wild. We spent the majority of the time running around collecting them –from creeks, streets, the wooded areas nearby.
• And in college one of my freshmen year roommates invited me to play once. Her patience –because she’d played in high school– with my novice skills lasted all of 15 minutes.

However, my fave park near our home plus Wii reignited my interest.

I kept seeing all the people playing on the courts in Crockett Park and asked Wayne if he’d play with me. Well, that husband of mine has a mind like an elephant –he didn’t forget all the ball chasing I had him doing the last time we played. (Almost 20 years ago!)

I couldn’t get Wayne to play with me in real life, but once we got our Wii I couldn’t get him to play against me because something incredible happened –I was better at him than something. Not just better. Far superior. His ego couldn’t take me whomping his butt everytime!

Wii satisfied my tennis urges for a while, but I’d still see those people in the park looking like they were having so much fun…

I had toyed with taking tennis lessons, but it was more just one of those “I’d like to do that someday (but probably never will)” sort of thoughts.

Until my hitchhiker.

Taking tennis lessons went on my Life Goals list last year when I was so sick I couldn’t even play Wii.

But once I started feeling better, I didn’t waste any time. In August I started lessons over at the rec center. I still only had a fuzz head then, but I didn’t care. I was in my bandana phase. I just wrapped one on and away I went.

I had a hoot!

Gordon was my first instructor. For me, at that point in my life, he was perfect. He’s kind of a wild teacher…full of energy.

I wasn’t very good at first, but once in a while I’d get off a good shot. Then something funny happened…I started getting better.

Not great, but my balls weren’t as wild.

This last session was my first with Beth. She completely intimidated me at first. Her style is much different and more aggressive than Gordon’s. I’m not sure had I started with her that I’d have continued lessons.

But Gordon’s Friday class filled up so on Tuesdays I found myself in hers this go around.

And after the first couple of sessions I started getting her –and loving her style. I saw a HUGE improvement in my skills. (What there are of them. I’ve discovered I’m pretty good at lobs, but the rest is still a work in progress.)

Anyway, yesterday was my last session on Tuesdays with her. I tried to sign back up but all spots were full. But Gordon’s Friday class had an opening so…I signed back up with him.

I almost didn’t make it to Beth’s class yesterday. The weather was weird, the rec center hadn’t opened until 10 due to inclement weather, and I lost track of time Twittering before class.

However, I decided better late than never. Plus, something told me I really needed to go.

Boy am I glad I did! Some of the other girls in class invited me to play on a women’s tennis team/league with them! I was so excited.

Sometimes volleyball comes with a lot of ‘tudes and team-picking snobbery. Luckily the teams I play with now don’t have that, but we still deal with other teams that do. Every week. It gets old.

Especially when a new season starts and everyone’s scrambling to get on a better team. Again, luckily my team doesn’t really deal with that anymore. But we’re not immune to all the jostling going on around us.

Tennis hasn’t been like that at all.

And the girls who asked me to play with them? They’re all a riot. I’ve really enjoyed classes with them. I was tickled absolutely pink they thought of including me.

It all starts in Spring. Something else to look forward then!