What has the world come to that any bad thing that happens almost immediately spawns a conspiracy theory? And how is it I’m married to a paranoid conspiracy theorist?
9/11 CONSPIRACY THEORY
I’ll never forget my shock when, after I spent the whole day glued to the tube on September 11, 2001, Wayne came home, watched for half an hour (he’d heard about it but hadn’t seen any of the footage yet), and came out of his semi-catatonic state (which was a reaction I expected) to announce, “This all seems a bit strange. Too concocted. It’s funny Bush gets in office and then this happens. Seems like a great excuse for us to get back to Iraq.”
“What?” I asked stunned. “You’re crazy. Four planes just got hijacked by terrorists. What does this have to do with Bush or Iraq?”
Yet, that’s what happened. Even though Iraq didn’t directly have anything to do with 9/11, we did end up back over there –using 9/11 semi-indirectly as a means of getting there. And the conspiracy theorists have had a field day with 9/11 cover-up theories ever since.
So, even before he heard any of them, he’d already developed his own. That’s always kind of freaked me out. (Well, when he very first said something I thought I must be married to one of the most cynical men in the world. But now since some stuff has played out like how he predicted even back on 9/11/2001, I wonder if I’m not married to a genius.)
Which made his revelation this week first stun me, then give me pause, then freak me out.
HAARP AND HAITI
Given his history, I shouldn’t have been surprised when he started hypothesizing the earthquake in Haiti was part of some sort of conspiracy. But then he started talking about it involving HAARP and possibly Venezuela. (The last thing he needed was a show like Jesse Ventura’s Conspiracy Theory to fuel his imagination. The HAARP one especially bothered/intrigued him and he hasn’t stopped talking about it since.)
Still, hoping to maintain some semblance of rationale in our household, I responded, “You’re absolutely nuts. 9/11 I’ll give you. There might be some funny business there, because some of the stuff is suspicious. But purposely creating a massively devastating earthquake? I’m sorry, babe. It sounds ridiculous, but even if it’s not…I’m not sure I want to live in a world where people unleash that kind of destruction on purpose. That’s just plain frightening.”
“I know it sounds crazy, but check it out. I’m not the only one to think this. I’ll show you.”
Sure enough, he popped “Haiti conspiracy” into Google and tons of links came up. Including ones speculating HAARP is involved and “helping out” in Haiti gives the American armed forces closer access to Chavez in Venezuela.
So I don’t know which freaks me out more…that he automatically begins to figure out who could benefit and why when disasters strike, or that there are others with the same line of thought.
Because if there are others thinking that, maybe there’s something to it. Especially if stream of consciousness and universal one-mindedness theories are accurate. Maybe Wayne and his conspiracy cohorts tuned in to the cosmic frequency that generated the initial thought, which then created the action, in the first place.
Now that is some scary shit. (Pardon my French.)
However, Wayne inspired me to do some conspiracy theorizing of my own. Here’s what I came up with:
- Now we know where Tiger Woods went and what he’s been up to. Wayne’s always a big believer in the “wave this hand to distract you from what the other one is doing” tactic. (He’s forever questioning why the media covers certain stories in depth. He always assumes they’re trying to divert our attention away from something else, something bigger.) Well, Tiger was the big story. And everybody wondered where he went. I think Tiger did the whole wave the hand thing. He needed a big story, and he knew HAARP could deliver so he stole away to Alaska and…BAM! Next thing you know there’s an earthquake in Haiti and no one’s talking about Tiger Woods anymore!
- It is the start of the Zombie Apocalypse. Yesterday my friend Autumnforest wrote on her blog about a subject near and dear to my heart: Surviving a Zombie Attack. I think about zombies all the time. I’m always watching for signs a zombie apocalypse may be starting. What sort of thing would start that ball rolling? Some kind of disease most likely. What better place for the infection to begin but a place with voodoo and zombies already in its lore? Then add in the tragedy of all those dead bodies…. I’m just saying, I’d be super suspicious if the news starts running stories like “It’s a miracle! After 10 days survivors emerge from the rubble in Haiti!” I’ll be watching very closely for signs the “survivors” aren’t zombies!
Yes, call me crazy. At least I know I’m being nuts and ridiculous. (Sort of. I’ve got my Zombie Survival Guide, which Wayne teased me mercilessly about. But like I always tell him, “We’ll see who’s laughing when you’re coming to me for advice on surviving the zombies!)