100 Things About Me

Several weeks back my friend Alice Sullivan shared a post with me she wrote called 30 Things About Me. She wrote it when her friend, Alece Ronzino, posted an article called 100 Things About Me and asked others to do the same.

Alice was pressed for time so she decided to only do 30. (She lives the life I’d love to live but have realized I’m too lazy and not disciplined enough for. She’s a full time freelance editor and writer.)

Alice then shared her link on my FB page with the following message:

A friend inspired me to make this list…I want to see yours 🙂

I was super flattered, but as I read Alice’s list I thought, “I don’t think I could come up with 10 things about myself much less 30 or 100. But even if I could, how could I ever match Alice’s clever and witty list?”

Well, once I started thinking about it, I couldn’t stop. I started jotting notes every time something I could put on the list hit me.

Here’s the result of what I came up with.

1. I never graduated kindergarten. (I missed too many days playing hookie. I’d pretend to be sick so I could watch TV at the babysitter’s, specifically Blinky’s Fun Club, a local clown show that used to be on in Denver circa 1970s.)
2. When I was little the doctor asked my mom to find me another doctor after I (a) two years in a row had them chasing me all around the office when they needed to give me a penicillin shot when I had strep, and (b) screamed bloody murder the third year when they decided to lock me in a room to give me the shot and I was so loud and obnoxious they ended up with a waiting room full of upset, crying kids and disturbed parents.
3. My sister once stood naked on our front lawn holding me by my ankles over the sprinkler.
4. One summer I went to visit my cousins in Indiana, who taught me about throwing a glass of cold water on people in showers.
5. That’s why #3 happened.
6. I’m a slower learner. (Maybe has something to do with #1?)
7. My sister also shoved me butt first into a trash can once…
8. …after I repeated #4 on her a second time. (Refer to #6.)
9. My family used to call me The Potty Inspector because every single place we went the first thing I had to do was go check out the bathroom.
10. When I was 9 a talent scout came to my school and picked me as one of the girls they wanted to audition for the part of Molly in the movie version of Annie.
11. The night before that happened I asked my mom to put my hair in “rags” (strips of cloth she’d roll my hair in to make it curly). I also made sure my favorite dress was clean. It was red with little flowers on it.
12. I rarely paid that much attention to my appearance back then (and still don’t now), but something inside told me I needed to look nice the next day.
13. I was just sitting in my 4th grade class when our principal opened the door and peeked in with a blond-haired lady who pointed at me and my arch-nemesis. We were both asked to come audition.
14. I’ve listened to my hunches ever since.
15. I took drama and voice classes to prepare. (My arch-nemesis did not.)
16. I was called back three times. I started out being 1 of 400 girls in the state of Colorado auditioning and made it down to the final 27. (My arch-nemesis ended up not auditioning.)
17. My dancing (or, rather lack thereof) blew it for me. I nailed the acting and singing, but when they asked me to dance I threw my hands in the air and jogged in circles in place. (Picture how the Peanuts gang dances on Charlie Brown cartoons.) After the casting directors stopped laughing, they politely said, “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”
18. That was the extent of my showbiz career.
19. But I’ve always secretly hoped to be discovered as a voice actor.
20. I was actually surprised I didn’t get the boot for my singing.
21. Before they got rid of our music program in my elementary school, Purple Parsons (our music teacher) would often single me out as being off key and ask me to mouth the words.
22. I’d sing when she wasn’t looking, but would abruptly start mouthing again when she’d shoot me a dirty look.
23. My dad gave me my first diary when I was 10.
24. I have been journaling ever since.
25. I have separate journals for separate things: thoughts, dreams, gratitude, quotes.
26. I probably have at least 100 journals. (If not way more.)
27. Some of my favorite reading is my old journals.
28. The diaries from my teenage years and early 20s break my heart and make me want to reach back in time and hug the girl I was back then, shower her with love, and let her know everything will turn out okay in the end.
29. I inherited my hunches from my dad.
30. For my 11th birthday I desperately wanted a 10-speed bike but my family didn’t have the money for one.
31. Right before my 11th birthday my dad took me to the fishing contest that was part of Huck Finn Days in Denver. He told me to sit in a certain spot and said, “That’s it. That’s where you’ll catch it.” (The prize for catching the biggest fish was a 10-speed bike.)
32. I won my own birthday present that year.

    

33. When I was 12, I was addicted to Nancy Drew books so bad I sent in a King Soopers comment card detailing why they should hire me to be their Nancy Drew. The store’s manager called me and said he admired my enthusiasm but they had security covered and to please not use comment cards like that in the future.
34. I went through a punk rock phase when I was 14 and died my hair blue.
35. I figure skated and performed in ice shows from the age of seven until thirteen.
36. I was on a precision team (a.k.a. Synchronized Skating) and was always the last skater to complete wheel formations because I was small and fast and a bit of a ham. (I ate it up when the audience would gasp and hold their breath watching me try to catch on.)

    

37. I hate, Hate, HATE talking on the phone.
38. I hate it so much I would probably text or email 911 in an emergency rather than pick up the phone if I could.
39. If I was to get in a car accident while using my cell phone it would not be due to texting and most likely wouldn’t be while I was talking on the phone (refer to #37) but because I was trying to use my camera phone to get a picture of something.
40. I love scary movies and haunted places, but I absolutely meltdown with terror and panic if I try to go in a Halloween-style haunted house.
41. I’m convinced I’ve beaten any world records in the 100 meter sprint a few times in my life (almost all of them having to do with trying to go in a haunted house and racing right back out again).
42. I learned to swim fly when I was 32.
43. I say “Blessings on your life” to every roadkill animal I pass. Even the super smooshed, unidentifiable ones. (Maybe especially those.)
44. There is something about herons that speak to me. I feel a soul-soothing peace whenever I see one and take it as a good omen because good things always happen after, especially when I spot ones in flight.
45. I brake for turtles and help them cross the road.
46. Turtles also happen to be my favorite reptiles.
47. I’m addicted to Angry Birds.
48. I cheat at Words with Friends and use a website to help me figure out words to play.
49. If I spent as much time trying to make money in real life as I do trying to get high scores in Bejeweled, I’d be a very, very wealthy woman.
50. I believe in reincarnation
51. and am pretty sure I’ve lived before, circa the Gilded Age.
52. I’ve always had an unnatural fascination with hookers
53. and suspect I may have worked in a brothel in my past life.
54. I’m very hard on jewelry.
55. I lost the diamond in my wedding ring and decided to replace it with the biggest, most glamorous, yet realistic-looking fake diamond ring I could find since we didn’t have insurance to replace my original. The second ring cost $200 and ironically got compliments every single week for the four years I had it (I’ve since broken it too), whereas my original maybe only got complimented the first week I had it.
56. I was heartsick when I lost my first diamond. I expected to be buried with that ring.
57. Which is weird because I want to be cremated.
58. I also don’t want to be embalmed or have a viewing.
59. I just want to be burned, boxed up, taken on a cruise and dumped in the ocean.
60. Along with stationery stores, the hardest place for me not to buy something in is a soap shop.
61. It’s amazing I ever make it anywhere.
62. I’m forever getting in the car and forgetting which way I need to go.
63. Needless to say I’m a master U-turn maker.
64. I often try to unlock the front door of my house with my car’s keyless remote
65. and stand there wondering why the door won’t unlock until I eventually figure it out. (Again, keep #1 in mind.)
66. I was an accident.
67. That’s always stung.
68. I wish even just once my parents called me a surprise.
69. My mom never once signed any of the cards she gave me “Love, Mom”
70. I wasn’t my mom’s favorite child.
71. But it’s okay. She wasn’t my favorite parent.
72. My dad has never sent me a birthday card on time.
73. My mom only dared take me with her to vote twice. One year I bit her on her leg. (For no reason. I was very young, maybe only four, and vaguely remember just feeling like taking a chomp at her all of a sudden.) The next time was when I was 7 or 8. In school we were learning about the election and voting process. Our teacher said something about picking a candidate was a private matter. It became my mission to get my mom to tell me who she was voting for. Which she did. When we got to the polling place I announced as loud as I could, “My mom’s voting for Carter!” As did the chomp, I got a swift backhand to the face before being escorted to the car and taken home.
74. I moved my mom in with Wayne and I when she was dying because I wanted to be a good daughter.
75. I hoped she’d finally see I was a good person and would tell me she loved me.
76. Thanks to the dementia she didn’t even know who I was at the end. (But she never once forgot my sister. That also stung.)
77. Right before my grandma died she spoke of her parents and sister coming to get her. My mom did the same thing. That scares the hell out of me.
78. I don’t want my mom (or dad) to come guide me to the Great Beyond when I die.
79. If my husband passes before me, I want him to come for me. Otherwise, I want my pets to come lead my way.
80. I hated baby dolls growing up but loved stuff animals.
81. When I’d play house I never pretended I had any children but instead took care of a zoo-full of (stuffed) pets.
82. I never yearned to have kids and be a mom but I always looked forward to being an aunt.
83. Neither my sister nor my husband’s brother ended up having kids either, though.
84. When my parents got divorced it was super ugly. The judge asked me who I wanted to live with. I told him I didn’t care but wherever I went, so did my dog, Mackie. That was written into the divorce papers.

    

85. I can’t watch movies about animals (think Free Willy and the like) without bawling my eyes out. Nothing bad even has to happen. I just feel a great swell of emotion whenever animals star in movies.
86. Getting cancer and Type II diabetes have both been among the scariest but ultimately best things to happen to me.
87. I used to have such a bad needle phobia I would get hot, sweaty, dizzy, and then throw up and get diarrhea (yes, often all at the same time) just seeing a needle.
88. #86 has pretty much cured #87.
89. I suck at yoga. I am not made to be physically flexible.
90. I don’t like my feet being touched.
91. I’ve never had a mani or a pedi. (A pedi would be particularly traumatizing due to #90 so I have no intention of ever getting one either.)
92. Growing up my beloved blanket’s name was Minky. I couldn’t sleep without it. It went everywhere with me.
93. I still have my Minky, but it’s in a drawer next to my bed. I don’t need to sleep with it anymore.
94. I spend as much (if not more) on Halloween than Christmas.
95. I try to be a Coupon Fairy whenever possible.
96. Golden Girls is my go to when I need a pick-me-up. (I am so Rose, but wish I was as snarky as Dorothy, as sassy as Sophia, and as openly sensual as Blanche.)
97. I was once kidnapped. By Wayne. I went on a date with another guy to a lacrosse game to make him jealous. It worked. He threw me over his shoulder and dashed across the field. Then we jumped in his Bronco and went to get ice cream.
98. I was a LaxCat in college. (I played goalie for the University of Arizona’s women’s lacrosse club team.)
99. The love and loving home I longed for growing up I have found as an adult.
100. I have no interest in living as long as possible. I’m striving for quality, not quantity.