New Decade, Big Changes

In late September of 2019 I came off the tennis court, sat down, went to swing my left leg out and…ouch. What was that pain?

I’ve had wonky knees for years. Since my early teens. Arthritis. First felt it when I was 14 during my figure skating years. What would be the end of them, at any rate.

I wasn’t serious about it anyway, and had reached that age where Life –especially boys– interested me a lot more than committing myself to less free time and more training.

So I quit. Maybe the knees hurting played a part too? Or maybe that provided a convenient excuse? That was a long time ago. I can’t remember. Maybe both.

But this pain was much worse, more excruciating, than anything I’d ever had. I could barely walk to my car.

I tried to hit the courts a couple more times after that before I realized –as I was trying to get up and down the stairs at home and was having to crawl (up) and slide (down)– it was time to see a doctor.

I was positive I’d torn something or this was it. Knee replacement time.

Thankfully no. Bone spur. Arthritis. Misaligned patella. But I still had cartilage! At least a little. Phew!

The prescription: four weeks off and strengthening the thigh with bike riding, weights and physical therapy.

It took two weeks to get into the PT, but in that time I was riding the bike and doing leg weights. That helped enormously on its own.

I wasn’t nuts about PT, but their exercises seemed to help too. I wasn’t as religious about doing them as I was the bike reading –yes, reading.

I hate bike riding. It kills my lady parts and irritates a tailbone issues I have. (Likely a degenerative bone issue, perhaps coupled with a floating tailbone.) However, reading helps distract me –plus, I actually get reading done. One of the only times I can multitask!

However, something else started dawning on me –look at all the writing I’m getting done not going to tennis, yoga, pickleball, etc.

Wayne’s new job has him working more at home. That means three times the dishes, shopping, meal making, etc. And my cleaning schedule is all goofed up.

I can’t do it during my normal hours like I used to when he’s home because it makes too much noise and he’s on the phone all the time. I don’t like doing laundry at night. I’d rather wash early, fold later. Work in between. But I’m not a morning person so…getting stuff done has been a challenge.

And weekends? Forget about it. There’s not time. We’re never home.

Plus, now I’m traveling more with Wayne.

I was feeling out of control and stressed. I couldn’t seem to accomplish any of what I wanted to.

Which is books, blog, podcasts, and I have my heart set on making my Schooled by Ghosts webseries.

However, even with Halloween and the holidays, Wayne home and travel, I was finally starting to make some headway on my project To Do lists.

So I knew even in November, I was probably going to have to quit my tennis team. Not them. I love them. I wish they knew how much they’ve helped me and how much they mean to me. That’s a post for another time, though.

But I wasn’t going to be able to commit to playing anymore full time.

And then at the end of December I had a weird health scare that made me ask myself, “If this turns out to be cancer again, am I living the life I really want to?”

The answer was no. It was very clear where I needed to make changes then. I’m great at letting myself get distracted. The Scare made me focus.

I still wasn’t 100% sure I wanted to make such a big change, but my heart knew. As much as it hurt, as much as I’ll miss so much about clinics and the fellowship and the game days…I don’t have the time. Not if I want to accomplish the goals I have set for myself before Wayne retires and my life really gets turned upside down!

So, 2020 is a New Year, New Decade, and New Start towards turning my dreams into reality. If I don’t do them now, I never will –and I’ll have no one but myself to blame. #Unacceptable