The first check-in came by text from my friend Sheila at 5:28 am.
The first Facebook check-in came by way of a request from two Middle Tennessee friends, Teresa and Donna, using the Facebook disaster feature to ask if I was safe.
Which was funny, because that’s why I’d gone on Facebook: to check on them plus several other friends. Thanks to Teresa and Donna doing it, I knew how to use the “Ask If Safe” button too. (Thankfully everyone was. Some didn’t have power, a few had minor structural damage, but no injuries or loss of life.)
The first phone call came from my cousin Mike shortly before 7 a.m. He called Wayne’s phone because his wife, Leticia, had texted me but hadn’t heard back yet. (I had left my phone downstairs after Sheila’s text and checking in on Facebook to head upstairs to take a shower.)
The rest of the morning –day really– resulted in more calls, texts, Messenger emails, as well as regular emails. From literally all over the world, including from friends in the UK and Poland!
One of my texts back to Sheila sums up my feelings about it best:
Truly, I pretty much always feel alone in the world. Even though I’m married to my very best friend. Even though I have what I consider a super group of friends.
Ever since the Cataclysm of Crap that turned my life upside down in 2008, and I realized the family I thought I’d had was just an illusion, I’ve fought feelings that had previously only been suspicions –ones I used to be able to reason away as paranoia. Namely, unworthiness and not being truly loved. But then they were confirmed in a big, bold, ugly way.
A Life Scar. That’s what not being loved by my mom –and then to find out that extended to my sister too– left me with.
It’s woven into the fabric of my being. My psyche contains these defective threads. Always will. I can’t cut them out. I want to, but they’re part of the greater design that makes me…me.
I can overcome it, though. Or try to.
It’s always going to be a work in progress. Which is why my friends don’t understand why I appreciate their loving, amazing gestures so fiercely like I do.
Not just in scary times, like reaching out to find out if I’m okay in the wake of a disaster, but in all the ways they show they care. They have no idea that the compassion and love they offer is way more than my immediate family ever gave.
And then there’s Wayne…
Monday night I went to bed debating with myself what to do about the TV: Leave it on or not?
I’m a weather nut. It’s really the only reason I watch the news. Wayne’s forever teasing me about my weather obsession.
I opted not to leave the TV on overnight. It didn’t really seem like the typical tornado weather set up. (In storms past, we’ve had a super unseasonably warm day preceding tornado events.) It had been pleasant, but relatively mild. Would there be enough energy overnight for the storms to get too bad?
Well, now of course I know the answer to that.
I also know I should’ve left the TV on, but I knew I couldn’t rely on that either. I’ve done it before.
One storm the sound went out on the TV, even though it stayed on. Murph was alive then. He alerted me that something was happening. I woke up that time to find we were under a tornado warning. Also at that time we were in a siren dead zone. Thanks to Murph and the local weather people, him, Mr Meow and me headed to the laundry room.
Wayne was the one who woke us up Monday night…well, technically early Tuesday morning.
“Babe. Something’s going on. We better turn on the news.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. I hadn’t been asleep very long, but I’d already gone deep. I woke up super disoriented.
“The sirens have been going off.”
“Sirens?”
I had to strain to hear them. The wind was fierce. How had he heard him? Not sure, but he had.
We woke up to see Dan Thomas and Melanie Layden on News 4 showing the rotation on radar. Cameras from downtown buildings showed flashes in the night sky beyond. Some looked like lightning. Others seemed more like transformers exploding, which is what they turned out to be.
We knew if they weren’t exaggerating what was happening that it wasn’t going to be good. It was hitting populated areas.
Now of course we know it was much worse than we could’ve imagined.
But Wayne…when I woke up in the morning, I chastised myself for once again not giving him enough credit. He may tease me about my weather obsession, and he can be surly and blame me for overreacting and being too quick to head to our safe place, but who woke us up that night?
He did.
And he’d woken me up so lovingly and gently. By nature I’m pretty happy and easy going 90% (or more) of the time –except when I get woken up. Then I’m a nightmare.
Wayne was sensitive to that. Because at the end of the day, even though there are times I think he’s not, he is a gentle, loving soul. I forget that because Life hasn’t been a cake walk for him either. He’s often grouchy and pessimistic, but when it really counts, his kind side shines through.
Also, I can no longer accuse him that he’s hard of hearing. His ears are better than mine!
Even worse, the news came to talk to me regarding my concerns about the sirens. They got me on camera praising Wayne’s good hearing.
I’ll never hear the end of it now…