What If Erma Bombeck Had Thought Health Reports Were Humorous?

In the Tributes section at the end of Forever, Erma, Erma Bombeck’s husband, Bill, wrote:

In 1989 Erma began to experience a series of painful medical problems, but she disdained letting her readers know most of the details. She usually brushed aside rumors and inquiries with a joke and a plea that her purpose was to write humor and make people smile. Health reports are not funny. Her greatest fear was to become a “poster child” and have people feel sorry for her.

A lot of people mistakenly relate that she died of cancer when they share a missive she wrote: “If I Had My Life to Live Over Again.”

You can read a version of the one that’s often sent around the Internet and compare it with her actual column on Snopes. They’re surprisingly close. Just the details about why and when it was written are often skewed.

The column was written in 1979. She wasn’t diagnosed with breast cancer until 1992. She died from kidney transplant complications in 1996.

She did write a book about cancer, though: I Want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise: Children Surviving Cancer.

Here’s what Publishers Weekly had to say about it:

Author of eight bestsellers ( Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession et al.), TV personality and syndicated columnist, Bombeck soars over her earlier accomplishments with this book. Its impetus was a visit to a camp for children with cancer in Arizona, her home state, three years ago. Continuing like visits in other parts of the country, Bombeck met scores of young cancer survivors–aged three through the teens–and their families. Finding that these children had an antic wit equal to her own, she shows how they rely on humor and hope: their personal arsenals in the war against death. The “different-family” stories she relates about extraordinarily brave boys and girls are wildly funny, also ineffably moving. As Bombeck points out, survival rates from all forms of cancer have increased since 1962 (leukemia, from zero to 60%), primarily because of young patients who endured painful experiments that led to effective treatments. One admires Bombeck not only for the sensitivity and valor with which she accomplishes this project but also for her selflessness in donating to cancer research the total of what will surely be considerable royalties earned worldwide from this book. Photos not seen by PW. 350,000 first printing; $350,000 ad/promo; author tour. 
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc.

I may have to check that one out. It’s one I’ve not read.

Even though she’s one of my writing heroes, I have not read everything Erma Bombeck ever wrote. I’m not sure I’ve even read a tenth of anything she published.

But she amuses me to no end. I’ve enjoyed everything I have read –and in some cases re-read.

Did she ever write amusing private anecdotes about her cancer or any of her other health issues? Did she read a particular humorist? Did she just throw herself more into her “regular” writing?

What did she do when she got those bad health reports? (Besides the obvious, which I’m sure is nearly the same for all of us: experience the range of emotions that overwhelm you –fear, sadness, worry, despair, etc.)

When I struggle with hard times, I seek out humor. It helps me cope. Which is how I found Erma.

I have a friend, Jade, who often poses questions on her Facebook page. I’m sure she’s asked, if not this one, something similar: “If you could talk to any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be and what would you talk about?”

I’ve never known how to answer that question really. I think if I’ve ever answered it, I’ve probably said Oprah. I’m sure I’d be too star-struck to exchange any meaningful or coherent dialogue with her, though.

However, from here on out I think I’d answer: Erma Bombeck.

I’d love to have met her, but pre-cancer I didn’t appreciate her wit like I do now. Meeting her back in her heyday would’ve just been for bragging rights.

Having the chance to speak to her now would be like meeting my fairy godmother. Or Oprah. I’m sure I’d be just as star-truck, dumb-struck and tongue-tied.

But if she granted me an hour of her time and was willing to talk writing, humor, and cancer –and I was able to make my brain and mouth work together– she’s who I’d want to talk with and that’s what I’d want to talk about.