Reverse Culture Shock after 12 Days in Europe?

Wayne is getting ready to retire, which means we’re thinking about where we want to live next. Abroad somewhere? Here in the U.S.? It’s all dependent on where we can get the most bang for our buck. The U.S. is expensive but familiar. Abroad would be exciting, and cheaper in the right cases, but nerve-racking navigating a new country/language/culture/etc. But this latest trip introduced me to a new concept: reverse culture shock.

I know what culture shock is. I’m sure I’ve experienced it during other trips, but it hit me hardest when we went to Asia.

It was exciting to visit Singapore, Vietnam, Thailand, and China, but as I told Wayne as that trip wound down, “I’m glad to be going home. There’s only so much culture shock I can absorb, and I think my struts are about shot.”

It was just too many differences for my comfort. It wasn’t that any of those countries were awful. For the most part, people couldn’t have been friendlier.

I just realized I’m not as adventurous as I want to be, there were too many people, all the scooters overwhelmed me, and the heat and humidity about killed me. I’ve experienced some brutal summer days in Florida, Alabama, and even here in Tennessee. There is that kind of hot, and then there is Bangkok hot. Holy hell. The only other place I’ve felt even close to that miserable was Columbia, Cartagena, which had set the benchmark for brutal heat and humidity until Bangkok shattered it.

Retirement Country Shopping

Anyway, for the past several years, we’ve combined vacation with “retirement country shopping.” I can totally see myself doing one of two things:

1. Dividing my time between Alaska in summer and somewhere else with a mild climate in winter. Or even one with four seasons, similar to what Nashville has. (But not staying in Nashville. It’s beautiful but not the right place for us.)
2. Living pretty much anywhere in Canada, but especially in Vancouver or Victoria. And even Prince Edward Island, Halifax, Quebec, or Montreal would rock. However, I’ve never been to Calgary or Toronto yet. Maybe I’d like it there too, but the other places are near the water, which is sort of important to us and something we’re looking for.

Wayne sees himself doing only one thing:

1. Living in another country. And if I’d agree to Turkey, he’d leave tomorrow. (I love Turkey, but I’m wary about the politics.)

Which is why we went to check out Spain. We’ve always heard great things about it, but it was one of the countries we hadn’t visited yet. We planned to in 2020 and then…well, you know. Whatever you had planned in 2020 got flushed down the toilet.

Anyway, we ended up spending 12 days in Spain and France, and it wasn’t very many days into the trip when it happened. I noticed I was suffering from something unfamiliar, and what I later learned was called reverse culture shock.

Reverse Culture Shock Syndrome

It wasn’t until we got back and Wayne picked a YouTube video called “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED to the USA! (REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK)” that it clicked. That’s what I’d felt.

The video was on the “Amelia and JP” YouTube channel. They’re a married couple and American ex-pats who live in Ecuador. They’d recently returned to the U.S. to visit family after being away for a few years and were shocked at how things had changed and/or were shocked at things they used to take for granted when they lived here.

Some of their reverse culture shock was what I’d felt during our trip, such as being more active (outside the U.S.), the high level of stress (here in the U.S.), and lack of public transportation (again, here in the U.S.).

In Spain, we visited Barcelona, Palma de Mallorca, Cartagena, Ibiza, and Valencia. In France, we visited Sete, Toulon, and Cassis. We also visited Ajaccio, Corsica, France. The “vibe” in all of those cities was palpably different from here.

In the Moment

People have problems everywhere you go, and who isn’t busy? But Americans? Holy hell, we stress ourselves out over here so much. We have to be busy, sometimes for busy-sake. We can’t live without our phones. Not that I didn’t see people on them over there, too, but you could spot Americans just by that. We don’t enjoy the here and now, or the who and now. We’re always in a hurry to check our phones to see what everybody else is doing. It’s quite creepy, actually, and completely unhealthy.

In the restaurants and cafes over there, the Spanish and French were present. They weren’t scrolling madly or taking selfies or photos of their food and drink. They were engaged in conversation if they were with others, and sometimes just sitting quietly, people-watching if they were alone. Sure, some had phones in hand too, but not like how it is here.

Traffic Differences

There was traffic, with the exception of Sete and when we docked in the Port La Seyne-sur-Mer for Toulon. That’s where we also took a tour to Cassis. We did get to go on a highway as we headed to the picturesque seaside town.

I don’t know how drivers are where you live, but here? They’ve gotten cuckoo crazier with the speeding, zig-zagging in and out of traffic, tailgating, and in general driving like shit.

Even though some people did drive fast in the cities, it wasn’t really speeding. For the most part, they drove “normal” over there. The majority of drivers also used their signals. Which, again, I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but signaling is a rarity here.

Busy But Quiet

And where were the sirens? Even with congested streets, we didn’t hear the endless onslaught of sirens that we’re definitely accustomed to when we visit bigger U.S. cities like New York, Chicago, or Miami. But even in the ruburbs (rural suburbs) where we live in Nashville, it’s rare for a day to go by without hearing sirens, much less a whole week.

We finally heard two in Barcelona on the last day we were there. It jarred me not because I was hearing them, but I realized that even for the all the traffic, Barcelona was “quiet.”

Oh, and there were no noisy cars like here either. None with cranked-up music or, my personal pet peeve, no mufflers so they’re as loud as possible.

Homelessness

And where were all the homeless people? Due to jet lag, I might not have noticed them the first day we started exploring Barcelona. I counted all of five on the third day we explored.

Again, I don’t know how it is where you live, but from downtown Nashville to where we live, there are homeless people all over. Except when we go to the nicer parts of town, like Belle Meade, Brentwood, or Franklin. But they’re all over the “regular folks” parts of town in Middle Tennessee and are as much a staple here as in any other American city we go to these days.

What does that really say about America? I lost track of all the times I told Wayne, “If I lived here (meaning Spain or France) and went to the U.S., I’d be horrified. It’s like a third-world country there compared to here.”

Safety

We walked past an elementary school in Ajaccio. Moms were gathered out front to collect the littlest learners, I’m guessing pre-K or maybe kindergarten. Other older students were having what looked to be recess in the courtyard.

But it was right there next to the sidewalk we were walking past. A wrought-iron fence surrounded the courtyard/playground area, but the gates were wide open. No security. Can you imagine that here? Anybody could’ve just walked right in there and snatched a kid. Or worse. Walked right in and shot everything up. It’s why it gave me such pause at first.

My reaction surprised me. But what I realized after surprised me more. That was how it should be. Our culture has taught me to see kids as vulnerable victims. To fear and always consider safety as a first priority.

Which, yes, kids are vulnerable, but they should not be victims. We subject them to that. And safety is always a priority, but the value we place on it in the States is on crack.

I actually felt safer over there than I do here. Until our trip, I hadn’t realized how on edge and on guard I am, even if it’s just low-level, everywhere I go expecting someone might pull out a gun at any moment and start shooting because someone offended them, or they have a score to settle, they want to make a point, or they just feel like killing as many people as they can that day.

Drugs and Healthcare

Not that we watched a lot of TV while we were away or could even understand most of it, but another thing I noticed was the lack of drug ads. I’d always heard how much drug companies marketed to Americans but no joke. We are inundated and oversaturated with it here.

I can see why that contributes to our poor mental health. It’s enough to make anybody neurotic. And worse, so much of it doesn’t help. At best, it masks. At worst, it causes new problems or kills you.

And the prices we pay for drugs and healthcare compared to Europe? Night and day. They actually don’t have to worry about going bankrupt if they get sick or have a sentinel life event.

Cost of Living and Quality of Life

Europe isn’t immune to the post-COVID inflation that we’re all too familiar with in the U.S. too, but food and housing was still reasonable there. We checked out real estate listings and grocery stores in every city. Sure, just like here prime real estate will cost you, but you could get by over there on a fraction of what it costs here.

And people just seemed happier. I think because they really emphasize a work-life balance. That’s something most Americans want and strive for, but few actually achieve. But it was very noticeable over there how different people’s attitudes and stress levels were compared to here.

I can see why so many people romanticize moving abroad to have that. We have some friends doing that. One pair opted for Mexico, the other for Spain. I’ll be curious if they can leave their American ways behind and attain the dream of adopting a new culture and way of living because…

America Isn’t a Shit Show —It’s a Full-on Diarrhea-Fest

Again, people have problems everywhere you go. Utopias are fantasies, and anymore America is more dystopian than utopian any day. It’s hard to find the “us” in the “U.S.” anymore. We’re so divided along political and religious lines. The lack of respect we afford each other, our fellow citizens, is mind-numbingly appalling. Vitriol is in vogue, while empathy and compassion are passé. It’s sad, dysfunctional, and toxic.

I was well aware things here were wrong. No matter which side of the spectrum someone’s on, we can all agree that America is heading in the wrong direction. We’re negotiating the terrain of a frozen lake, but rather than finding a way to return to the safety of the shore, we continue to tread on thin ice. We’re playing with a ticking time bomb that, if we don’t defuse it and end up instead allowing it to detonate, will result in catastrophic consequences.

To step back and view my home country from a different lens was really eye-opening. Or, as I learned was the term, a jarring case of reverse culture shock.