Princess Catherine’s cancer diagnosis has me thinking again about something I’ve touched on before. Namely, that cancer doesn’t discriminate. It’s the worst kind of DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion). It doesn’t care how rich, attractive, smart, or popular you are. Time and time again, it proves that.
Yet, that’s the thing everybody gets wrong about cancer, and they often don’t even realize it. Even I did before I got it. There’s a shock factor when anyone shares they have cancer, but it’s magnified when it’s a famous person. We somehow believe the pedestals we put them on is because they’re superhuman and therefor immune to “real life” realities.
“They got cancer?” we often whisper (or shout) in disbelief.
I’ll talk more about that further down. Bear with me. I’m starting somewhere else first.
The Range of Emotions
These days I’m always flooded with a mix of feelings when another celebrity announces they’re battling cancer. First and foremost, I always feel sympathy. For them and their loved ones as they navigate a new, often scary path of doctor appointments, tests, treatments, and the unknown, which includes the inevitable discomfort of having to face their mortality.
We know we won’t live forever, but most of the time, we can easily dismiss that reality and put off thinking about it until later. A cancer diagnosis is the “later” that shows up with a slap in the face followed by a punch in the gut and a swift kick in the rear. a.k.a. The personification of a rude awakening.
But then the other feelings trickle in. Heaven help me, jealousy and annoyance are among them, especially if the celeb specifies what kind of cancer they have and are suddenly made the poster child for it. Sometimes, they seek out the position. Which I understand. One thing many cancer survivors want to do is help others while working through their own feelings about it all. That’s one way to do it.
But often it’s thrust upon them, whether they want it to be or not. Like cancer survivor Sara Stewart did to Kate Middleton in her CNN opinion piece.
“But I do know this: She is in a unique position to be a much-needed voice for people around the world dealing with cancer at a young age,” Stewart wrote. “As a survivor of a gastrointestinal cancer, whose sufferers face much greater stigma than other types of cancer, I feel this most acutely.”
Poster Children
Princess Kate hasn’t said what kind of cancer she has. As Stewart pointed out in her piece, “An oncologist told Today.com that it could be colon, stomach, genital or urinary cancer.”
Stewart sympathizes because she wasn’t very much older than Kate when she was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer at 45. She finished her last round of chemo in 2019 after first undergoing abdominal surgery. While I was 38 when I was diagnosed with stage 2 non-Hodgkin lymphoma that did require chemo and radiation, I didn’t have surgery. (Except for the installation of my power port, which is a surgery of sorts, but a relatively minor one.)
The point is, while both Stewart and I are both “young” cancer survivors, she can sympathize with Kate’s circumstances in a more personal way than I can. And to be fair, later in the post, Stewart acknowledged what she was doing:
And although I cannot stress enough that she owes absolutely nothing to the public while she goes through treatment, my fervent hope is that once she’s on the other side of it she’ll become a powerful voice advocating for more ways of early testing and destigmatization.
I understand where she’s coming from because I wish Erma Bombeck had been more open about her cancer experience. I’ve always wondered what kind of humor she could’ve imparted that may have helped others find the funny in order to cope. Instead, she was private about it all.
Which I totally respect too. Just like death, everyone responds to cancer differently. It can be so traumatizing some people don’t benefit from survivorship groups or advocating for awareness because it’s just too painful and stirs up too many triggering emotions. I once met a lady who refused to hear any updates. She didn’t want to know a thing about any of the procedures or tests.
“I go in and say, ‘Just treat me, doc.'” she said. “My life is in your hands. I trust you’ll make the best decision.”
I wouldn’t be comfortable with that, but if that’s what she needed to do to get through it all, that’s what was best for her. Because it’s emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually exhausting. Whatever it takes to keep your strength up is what you have to do.
Cancer Bias
But here’s the exception I take with making Princess Kate a poster child for “the young” who get cancer. We seem to think cancer only happens to certain people. That others are exempt from it. We’re always shocked when anyone gets it, but especially when young(er), good-looking, wealthy, smart, “healthy” (meaning slender and skinny), famous people get it.
When I first got it, I had a neighbor stop by and imply I got cancer because I was overweight. She wanted to share her vegan regimen with me, as well as some products she used to keep her body alkaline and svelt.
She caught me on a bad day, meaning one of my post-chemo ones, which always left me ragged. I didn’t have the energy to tell her what I was thinking: “I didn’t get cancer because of my weight, lady. I got it because of extreme stress, grief, and heartbreak, the likes of which I hope you’ll never know.”
That was my first experience with cancer bias. But over the years (I’m now approaching 15 years in the clear), I’ve watched other people deal with their cancer news, either personally or when friends and family get it. Time and time again, so many of them are shocked. Not only are they not “old enough,” but they have been “doing everything right.” They watch what they eat and drink, exercise regularly, maintain a healthy weight, etc. Why did it happen to them?
Because our culture misguidedly leads us to believe we can control such things.
Out of Our Control
We can’t control cancer any more than we can control floods, tornadoes, or hurricanes. Sure. You can hedge your bets and live as healthfully as possible. It can help you dodge some cancers, and if you do get it, you give yourself more of a fighting chance of conquering it. But it’s erroneous to think you can avoid it entirely. Or that you “did something wrong” if you do get it.
The other problem is that we live in an increasingly polluted and stressful world. No matter how hard we try to steer clear of cancer, it can invade even the healthiest of us from sources we have no hope of avoiding—or even knowing may harbor carcinogens.
Heck, I’d wager to say the more you try to avoid it, the more you might actually invite it into your life.
But the other thing is, underneath it all, we’re conditioned to believe cancer happens to the old, the poor, the unattractive, etc. Basically, the non-glamourous and elite.
Nope. It honestly doesn’t care about any of that the way people do.
The Glaring Misconception
So, that’s what everyone gets wrong. That cancer especially “shouldn’t” happen to certain people, but it’s understandable if “regular” folks get it.
And when it does happen to famous people, they should instantly become cancer awareness ambassadors.
Many do. And Kate has shown time and time again she has a generous heart that gives to so many causes. But if this is one time and one area where she chooses to remain private and quiet, no one should fault her.
Sure, she’s a larger-than-life, almost superhuman icon many admire and revere, but the key word there is “human.” She’s facing one of the scariest moments in her life and needs the space, privacy and dignity to navigate that sans any expectations except the ones she imposes on herself.
Sending you strength, courage, and love, Princess Katherine. You got this. #FightHard